A guy’s car breaks down in the middle of town, and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to be fixed. He finds a very small hotel and walks in.He asks the man at the counter, “Do you have any rooms available?”The man at the counter says, “Yeah, but don’t stick your dick in the 3 holes.”"OK.” The guy agrees and walks to his room. A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets curious and sticks his dick in the first hole. He says,”Ahh,that feels good!” Then he sticks his dick (more…)

Things You Don’t Want Your Sysadmin To Say1. Uh-oh…2. Oh S***!3. What the heck?!?4. Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?)5. That’s SOOOOO bizarre.6. Wow!! Look at this…7. Hey!! The Suns don’t do this.8. Terminated?!?9. What software license?!?10. Well, it’s doing SOMETHING…11. Wow…that seemed fast…12. I got a better job at Lockheed…13. Management says…14. Sorry, the new equipment didn’t get budgeted.15. What do you mean that wasn’t a copy?16. It didn’t do that a minute ago…17. Where’s the GUI on this thing?18. Damn, and I just bought that Coke…19. Where’s the DIR command?20. The drive ate the tape but that’s OK, I brought my screwdriver.21. I cleaned up the (more…)

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.And Satan created McDonald’s, and McDonald’s brought forth the $3.20 double-cheeseburger, and Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?”, and Man said, “Super size them.”And Man gained pounds.And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly (more…)

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day!-Phyllis Diller

This blonde was at a coke machine and and put her change in and mashed a button and out comes a drink. So she puts some more change in and pushed another button and out comes a drink. She keeps putting change in and pushing buttons and getting drinks. Here comes a man and asks the blonde if she is gonna be through at this machine any time soon and she responded” I’m not gonna quit until I stop winning.”