A bloke goes into a pub. The barmaid asks what he wants. “I want to put my head between your tits, and lick the sweat off.” He replies.

“You dirty bastard!” shouts the barmaid, “get out before I get my husband.” The bloke apologizes and says he will never do it again. The barmaid, disgusted, accepts his apology and asks what he wants again. (more…)

1. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually marry her.

2. When questioned by a friend’s girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours. (more…)