Dear Men of Craig’s List:

The membership of the National Federated Union of Porn Stars wishes to register an official complaint and related Cease and Desist request. Your incessant searching for a “girl who fucks like a porn star,” the somewhat similar “girl who sucks dick like a porn star,” and the unending fake posts regaling how “she took my spewing cum all over her face like a porn star” are interfering with the conduct of business in the legitimate porn industry. A recent study concluded that the prevalence of these requests and reports have in fact begun to convince a startling proportion of otherwise normal women that they should and must behave like porn stars. This is still a trend in its infancy but gentleman, should this phenomenon reach critical mass we, the real porn stars of America, will be shit out of luck, not to mention jobs. (more…)