A door-to-door salesman knocked on the front door of a home and heard a faint, high-pitched, “Come in.”

He tried the door and it was locked, so he went around to the back door.  He knocked again and heard once more the high-pitched, “Come in.” (more…)

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be Gods!
 
 A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… I must be a God!

It’s always difficult to bring sad news, but you should know…
… There was a great loss today in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the song “Hokey Pokey” died.
What was really horrible is that they had trouble keeping the body in the casket.
They’d put his left leg in and … well, you know the rest

There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo. She gets completely upset. “You impotent bastard,” (more…)

A little boy walks in on his mom and dad having sex. His mother is on top of his dad bobbing up and down. The little boy asks “what are you doing mommy?” His mom replies ” well daddy was getting fat so I thought I would try to flatten his tummy down” The little boy replies ” I don’t know why you bother, the minute you leave for work the maid comes in and blows it right back up again”