Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
The Lord’s prayer: 66 words.
Archimedes’ Principle: 67 words.
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.

A pig farmer in Alabama was trying to get his pigs to breed, with no success. Every morning, he’d run outside to the barn and perform a pregnancy test on the female pigs. Everyday, the results were negative. The farmer was baffled.

One day, he called the local vet and asked for some advice. The farmer explained that he couldn’t get his pigs to mate. The vet replied, “Try artificial insemination.”

“What’s that?” the farmer asked. (more…)

How many ARIES does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs.

How many TAURUSES does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What! Them! Get off the couch just to change a light bulb!
Ain’t gonna happen any time soon.

How many GEMINI does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2

How many CANCER does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to take his mom along too. (more…)

Nice expressions to describe dumb people:

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal
A few Cokes short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead. (more…)

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10. They have breasts.