1. Jews don’t recognize Jesus.
2. Protestants don’t recognize the Pope.
3. Two Christians in a liquor store don’t recognize each other.

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. He says,

“Jack let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother and I said, here try these on.”

So she did and said, “These just don’t fit.” (more…)

Three men were on safari in Deepest Darkest Africa when the get lost from their group. While trakking around the suddenly find themselves surrounded by tribesmen.

“Oh thank god you found us”…, the men exclaim, “please help us find our way home…”

The chief is the only man who speaks a little English so he walks up to them and says “You tresspass our land, you now pay price!!!”

After two hours of trekking through even deeper and darker bush (hehehheh now now guys, not THAT kind of bush) they come across an isolated village to which they can see no escape. All three men are tied to a pole in the center of the village and await their fate while the village people confer… (more…)

A man at a loss for what to get his wife for christmas went to a pet store hoping for an idea. He was approached by a salesmen who asked if he could interest the man in a singing bird. The man agreed to take a listen. The salesman brought out a cute yellow bird and introduced him saying, “This is Chet, sing for the man Chet!” but Chet wouldn’t sing. The man was ready to leave when the salesman pulled out a lighter and held the open flame underneath Chets rear end at which time Chet in a beautiful rendition of Nat King Coles’ voice sang “Chets nuts roasting on an open fire…

One said to the pilot, “I have a glass bottle. What do I do with it?”

The pilot told him to throw it out the window.

The second one asked the same question and the pilot also told him to throw it out the window.

The third one asked the pilot, “I have a bomb. What do I do with it?”

The pilot told him to throw it out the window. (more…)