A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, “Just what the hell is your secret?”

So Bubba replies, “Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw ‘em forever!”

The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of opportunity, he tore off his clothes and started banging it on the dresser.

His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said, “That you Bubba?”

Charles Schwab, president of U.S. Steel and the highest-paid executive of his time, understood how to motivate men. When one of his mills wasn’t producing its quota, he went to the mill manager and addressed him personally:

“How is it,” Schwab asked, “that a man as capable as you can’t make this mill turn out what it should?”

“I don’t know,” the man replied, “I’ve coaxed the men; I’ve pushed them; I’ve sworn and cussed; I’ve threatened them with damnation and being fired. But nothing works. They just won’t produce.” (more…)

A team of archaeologists excavating in Israel came upon a cave. Written across the cave wall were the following symbols, in this order of appearance from left to right: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old. The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society summarized the findings and pointed at the first drawing and said: (more…)

Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

What’s the difference between the Pope and your boss? The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

Never trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.

She hates sex in the movies. Tried it once and the seat folded up.

It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.

A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The Impression He Just Cleaned The Whole House.

If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast, and cheap.

My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines.

The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work.

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars’ worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

I’m so depressed… I went to the Dr. today and he refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. Said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

LeRoy is in school. This is LeRoy’s homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

1. Foreclose - If I pay alimony dis month, I got no money foreclose.

2. Rectum - I had two cadillacs, but my ol’lady rectum both.

3. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs and da hotel everybody.

4. Disappointment - My parole officer tol me if I miss disappointment dey gonna send me back to da big house. (more…)