Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of “RINGS”:

The Engagement Ring
The Wedding Ring
The Suffe-Ring
The Endu-Ring

Marriage is love. Love is blind.
Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

It is true that love is blind, but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds:
“Wife wanted”
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”

Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

Anybody who claims that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition doesn’t know the first thing about women or fractions.

It’s true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get MARRIED!

They say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce.

That’s not as bad as it sounds, considering that the other 50% end in death!

Who would ever remarry an ex-wife?
It’s like taking an old carton of milk out of the fridge, taking a whiff, and saying, “Whooo! That’s sour!
I think I’ll put it back. Maybe it’ll be better later.”

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

“I got married,” said the first tavern regular, “so that I could have sex 3, 4, or 5 times a week.”
“That’s very ironic,” said the second regular.
“That’s exactly why I got divorced.”

She was a great housekeeper, too.
When we divorced, she kept the house.

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son; EVERYWHERE!

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
Dad replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.”

Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late!

A Married man ALWAYS has the last word… and it’s usually “Yes, dear”

It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

A woman was telling her friend, “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.”
“And what was he before you married him,” asked the friend.
The woman replied, “A multi-millionaire.”

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”

The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. “Mom,” she said, “I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy.”
The mother took a deep breath and began, “When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful…”
“Mom, I know how to screw him,” the bride-to-be interrupted.
“I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagne.”

“Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.”