There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down… and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device… a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. (more…)

George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. He then goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him: “You’re on my list, but i presently don’t have any room for you,” says the devil. “But you definitely have to stay here, so i’ll tell you what i’m going to do. I’ve got three persons here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let you decide who gets to leave.”

Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed to the suggestion. The devil then opened the door to the first room: in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and resurfacing empty-handed over and over. Such was his fate in Hell. “No!”, said Bush. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and i don’t think i could do that all day long.” (more…)

I am translating this one from French, so please bear with me…
——————————
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After flirting with each other, they got married. Their mariage was, obviously, perfect!
——————————
On the night of Christmas, this perfect couple were driving in their perfect car along a desert road, when they noticed someone having problems on the side. Being perfect, they stopped to offer their help. The person needing help was Santa Claus, with his backsac full of gifts. (more…)

Works for me…

* good idea

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. (more…)

A woman goes to a surgeon and asks for an operation, but says she is very embarassed by the operation and that nobody other than the surgeon and herself could know about it.

The surgeon agreed and asked what operation she needed.

She replied “I need my labia reduced in size as they are too big, but as I said I am very embarrassed so no-one can know.” (more…)